Kicking the Rant...

I need to remind myself of where I want to be in life sometimes. I get a little too comfortable when things are going right. Then I get slapped in the face so hard I spend all of my energy just trying to stay afloat. So my philosophy has become: Look at the big picture when things are in semi-decent shape, then you'll have the strength and the positive presence of mind needed to make wise decisions and push toward your goals. That's about as "sunny-side" as I get. I almost went off on another rant last night (I'm trying not to, they don't help). I just found that there are so many little pockets of my life that are a problem for me when i'm in "bitch" mode. In the past I headed toward these never-ending roundy-rounds with the noble intention of "Getting things done." Then when I realized that there was no hope of that happening it became the noble intention of "Deciding what action to take in order to get things done"; but even that turned sour. I find now that I have to just sit quietly and think about where all this crap is going. What is the eventual "wise" thought that I would have after bitching so loudly that my fiancee starts ignoring me, or so ferociously that I have to get out of bed and focus on others things in order to calm down and gain some perspective. What's the eventual thought that I have the next morning, after I've stayed up all night, after I've apologied yet again. Usually there's some wisdom there. I'm trying to skip the un-necessary bullshit that I usually get stuck in. I was able to do it once so far, just once. That was last night. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say, I came up with two sentences. Then we moved on to other pleasant topics and went to sleep. That was a success in my eyes.